Divorce
The Scalise Law Office Legal Expertise and Concentration
The Scalise Law Office
has been providing legal services in Fairfield, CA
and the surrounding area for over 28 years. Our attorney,
Joseph M. Scalise’s
legal expertise and concentration is in Family Law and Guardianship,Child Custody, and Divorce. For more information on Mr. Scalise’s advice and recommendations for getting through the divorce process, please read his article.
Divorce
A divorce decree establishes the new relations between the two parties, including their duties and obligations relating to property that they own, support responsibilities of either or both of them, and provisions for any children. The preference would be a collaborative divorce wherein the two parties resolve their duties and obligations through mutual cooperation.
If a collaborative divorce is untenable, divorce law provides legal solutions for issues that the Husband and Wife are unable to resolve together. Historically, the most important question in a divorce case was whether the court should grant a divorce. When a divorce was granted, the resolution of continuing obligations was simple: The wife was awarded custody of any children, and the husband was required to support the wife and children.
Modern divorce laws have inverted the involvement of courts. The issue of whether a divorce should be granted is now generally decided by one or both of the spouses. Contemporary courts are more involved in determining the legal ramifications of the marriage breakup, such as spousal maintenance, Child Support, and Child Custody.
Mediation
An attorney can also act as a Mediator. Mediators can benefit parties in a divorce by helping suggest constructive alternatives to the positions of each of the parties and to help to find a reasonable solution based on the presentation by both parties. Mediation is confidential and scheduled outside of court, to help promote open, honest and unreserved discussion between the parties.
The End of Love and Marriage - Where’s The Ripcord?
People do not get married to get divorced. People do not have children to separate. People do not have children, hoping to have some long protracted fight over them. Given the high divorce rate, you would think the end of love and marriage would be taught in school. It is not, so when couples separate they are not prepared for it. This means they have lived their lives ignorant of the divorce laws, but the laws still apply. Divorce is like jumping out of an airplane and, then, trying to figure out how to open the parachute on the way down.
Every course of action taken in a marriage that may be fine and well while married, and even be innocuous in the confines of a marriage, may have legal consequences never envisioned. When things get unhappy, all those decisions and consequences come to light. For example, there is no such thing as, “We kept our finances separate.” Remember divorce court is not a reflection of real life and how married people may live in the real world.
Most people in court are truly arguing about nothing. But you say that you are right, so you will win. Win what? You will hear some attorneys advertise that they will provide aggressive legal representation. This blanket aggressiveness may be appropriate for other areas of the law, but in divorce court, your motivation should be clear to you, and any aggressiveness should be well placed. There are times for such but truly it is an exception.
Understand that getting even should not be a motivating factor. Accept that no matter how much money you pay an attorney, there is no magic wand to change the facts of your life and all of your life decisions that have led you to the moment that you are divorcing or separating from the once love of your life. (Note: We can’t make you young again either). Understand the limits of the law in what you are truly trying to accomplish, and make informed decisions. This is not easy. You are in a turbulent time in your life. A good attorney can help you and aid you through these troubled waters, and not exploit your emotional situation. That is, just because you can legally do something does not mean you should do it. Again, know the motivation factor.
The divorce process can be a lot less expensive both monetarily and emotionally, but you have to really listen to what I am saying. You have to decide that you and your soon to be ex are the best people to make life decisions for your family. Not an attorney. Not a judge. Not a mediator. Who knows your children, and your life better than you and your soon to be ex?
Sometimes clients tell me “I’d rather give my money to you than to my ex.” Really? Why? Please save yourself and your family from the heartache of such a decision. Again, look to the source of your motivation. In addition, the longer your case takes, the more time you will spend talking about your case with family, friends, and significant others. It will take up dinner conversations, and ruin time with family and friends.
What will this really do for the children and for you? You have got to be honest. You have got to get past the bitterness. Use attorneys, judges and the court system to your advantage to assist you in traversing the legal requirements of divorce and resolving your dispute with the least amount of heartache and impact on your pocketbook. I guarantee you will not be able to call your attorney to kick in a few bucks, when your child needs braces or college tuition-no matter how much you paid him or her.
If your intent is to have less money for your family, and to ensure your ex has less money for your family, then by all means go to court and fight about every issue. Since I have been doing this so long and have done thousands of court appearances, I understand, if one side wants to fight then you will have to fight. This is our current system, but armed with the knowledge of true motivating factors, you may be able to limit the fighting to real issues and at least attempt to mitigate the emotional and monetary damage to your family.
Yes, these are all the terrible and horrible things you were never taught in school, about the end of love and marriage. So though late, the lessons can be learned. If you are willing to listen, you may be able to open that parachute before full impact.
- Joseph M. Scalise, Esq.
If you have any questions, or need more information, please call us at (707) 759-4230.